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my worst nightmare

You want to know my worst nightmare? It's not that Ron Paul will be elected President (although that's pretty close). It doesn't have anything to do with politics. My greatest fear is that my brother will develop a mental illness. I've tried to keep an eye on him, but that's hard to do since I'm seven hours away from home. Lately, he's actually been messaging me on Myspace. He never does this. He'll sometimes reply to me if I message him, but that's it. He told me about his girlfriend (she's not exactly stellar). He wasn't that into her, or at least that's what he said. I told him his love life was his business, but not to let her run him ragged. His last gf did, and it was a disaster. Anyway, they broke up. It wasn't a surprise, but he seems...different. Not normal different from typical teenage angst.

I visited his Myspace page and the whole thing was completely changed. He had what is probably Radiohead's most depressing song ever on his page. He got rid of his wall, and his friends list is gone. And his background? If depression had a color, it would be the shade of blue that is on his page. It used to be yellow, or various shades of yellow. He's even deleted his blog entries.

It could just be angst. But I've read his poetry. He has an incredible gift, but his work is also very dark. I shrugged it off; some people just write like that, and there were no mentions of suicide. He has no signs of self injury (that I know of, anyway, I've been away for a few weeks now). He goes to a terrible school that doesn't challenge him. He has no respect for his teachers, and I don't blame him. He's stuck in classes with a bunch of rednecks, and the teachers only goes as fast as the slowest learner can handle. Plus, they've got to 'teach to the test.' VA forces students to take these ridiculous things called SOLs (Standards of Learning). I suck at science, and the biology test was so easy that I scored above average. I had a perfect score on the US History test, which thrilled the school. But the test was full of cartoons! It wasn't much of an achievement. My brother's always hated that kind of shit. He hates hypocrites, he hates idiots, and he hates being treated like an idiot.

So my worry is that he is developing depression. I don't really want to talk to my parents about this. They will freak, and if I'm wrong then my brother will want to kill me. It won't benefit anyone if I jump to conclusions. I just hope I'm wrong.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Feb. 9th, 2008 07:43 pm (UTC)
SOL = Shit Outta Luck

I'm so glad I don't have to take them (homeschooled). I had to in third grade and it was incredibly stupid then, but the later ones sound even more idiotic. Standardized tests are generally way easier than the class material. All my public school friends whine about them and I'm just like "lawl I'm going to the barn, have fun filling in bubbles with your #2 pencil".
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )